Some may think it silly to morn the loss of a dog in the same way you would morn the lose of a loved one. They may think it’s silly to get choked up every time they pass that dog’s bed, grab a treat to give them or still gather the food out of habit. Some may think it silly that my dog died Monday and yet my face is still swollen and red with tears I’m still shedding. But… Some people ain’t me. I have no shame.
Sadie was eighteen years old, she has been in my life since I can remember. Her presence was a strong one, even in the last few years as her sight and hearing left her. As she became herself more and more forgetful. To me it was like losing a grandparent after watching them deteriorate from the greatness they once were. You see I never had grandparents, aunts or uncles. All of my family is immediate, and even that has deteriorated as two of my brothers have also passed on and one left the family to find his own “happiness” cutting us off in the depths of some of our darkest hours. Yet Sadie and all of the other animals we have collected over the years have filled gaps. They are the crazy uncles and aunts, the ‘back in my day’ grandparents, the rambunctious nephews and nieces. So when one of them leaves us it is a family member lost. They provided me company when I would have been alone. They always loved me, when others just left. They were always there for me, to comfort me and to love me unconditionally for me.
It may seem silly to think this of animals, but it is the truth. When one of our pet mice died I spent the whole day crying in my pjs, laying on the couch and just grieving. For animals are more then just pets more then just there. They fill our lives with joy and uncomplicated affection. To morn them is to realize just how much one can truly love. To hold them when they have passed and realize just how heavy a spirit can be and how empty a body when it is gone. How different a creature that you have held so many times before can almost seem a stranger when their spirit has left them. How beautiful to know that our bodies do not make us but it is we, our essence, and our spirit that make us who we are. To me Sadie is not dead, she has moved on. She was always my brother Travis’ favorite and now she is with him. She fought too stay alive, boy was she stubborn, but to know that she was that happy in life, with us, was sheer heartbreaking. She did eventually relax in my mother’s arms all of us gathered round holding each other and comforting her as she just went to sleep almost a smile on her face. Tears fill my eyes now. Sometimes you just need to be sad, just to be sad for it wil eventually make its way to happy.
I am happy. Happy that she is at peace and that she was in my life at all. People shape us, events mold us. We are the result of our experiences, but our souls are what let us come out as who we were meant to be.
I love you Sadie.