Throwback Post Pick is a weekly feature where I fling open the vaults of past works – no matter the naivete they reflect – and revel in the making of progress! So come, TBT with me!
The nature of emotion. That’s something that compels my thoughts, fuels my writing, and intrigues my observation.
Watching people express themselves, hold back from expressing themselves, how they seem to interact differently with different kinds of people. The good, the bad, the ugly sides of human nature and its desperate need to be noticed and to be loved.
Yet all too often true emotion is chastised as being too overt, too weak and cowardly, too spoiled and embarrassing. We apologize for our raw narrations. For our hurt, our joy, our anger, and dismay.
Feelings are deemed messy and vulgar yet how else are we to understand our true selves? To convey the dark is to make way for the light. To reach into the unknown of reaction is to find the real cause and get to know your own triggers better.
How does one heal when only treating a symptom because they don’t want to deal with what it takes to find the cause?
I have always been a sensitive person and what some may even want to deem deeply disturbed. I have always looked out into the world with a heart that loved and felt too much for its own good. Traumatized by evils, anxious over atrocities that were a part of history, sick with worry for every animal, person, and place that had yet to feel love or know the warmth and tender compassion of a home.
However we are not always a world who coddles a heart so delicate, instead we think it our duty to harden it to a reality we ourselves choose to perpetuate.
My problem was never naivete, was never innocence, where my affliction lie was in my understanding and curious brain that allowed my mind to think too much and too long well still too much intertwined with imagination and in too vivid a reality to be able too look away. My sensitive heart didn’t need exposure it needed to express, to let out what I was being flooded and overfilled with…but I never got that console, that armchair referee, or means to unburden myself and unleash the demons that would see me catatonic.
Thankfully I had as much persevering spirit so as much as my overthinking mind could get me into trouble it could also see me finding my way out of it despite the emotional turmoil is could cause in conjunction with my overly perceptive intuition.
It’s part of the reason I found my way to writing. When overexposure became too much of a problem with no means of an outlet for expression I turned to the imaginative worlds in which I could release and work through my emotions in a healthy means of understanding.
I can not help my nature and I learned first hand how wrong it is to try to beat it down, to conform, or hate on it. Exposure is what I knew and what I live, but I refuse to let vulnerability be a weakness and instead embrace its effects with open mind and open heart, and flow with the sensation of its means.
That being said I will never not find it utterly touching to see and write love portrayed as total accepting of another’s reactions. To not condemn one for their “ugly”pain and instead look past the lashing out of emotions effects and to the person they are at heart, to the hurt it caused further down then the feral response of survival.
To see the person for the suffering not the victim.To me that is love in its purest form – to be able to remind someone of who they are when they are lost or consumed, to see reflected in their gaze not the monster or pathetic mess that other’s might deem you but the essence of the beauty beyond.
In the subtext of reaction lies the truth of another’s pain, read the emotions not the words, don’t react to the anger respond to the hurt and remind them of the essence of their worth.
Living Full Spectrum
Water color wind and sea,
Carry my form into the deep –
Blue colors seem to fill my eyes,
Red the color of the part which dies,
I seem to blast out a rainbow of emotion,
Turning transparent through all the commotion.
Why chose to see me in sepia tones?
Tones of unenlightened monochrome.
For mine is a color scheme of ever-changing rhythm.
A powerful movement and elegant find.
When I feel you see my colors,
Where tears fall they fall without filter.
Embrace the effect,
My colorful spectrum.
The more you accept the more you will get them.
~ Glory Anna ~