It is National Mental Health Awareness month and I am no stranger to the effects these types of afflictions have on one inter-personally as well as personally.
You could say it’s a family trait, but really it has been etched upon what little history is known to me of my family tree. My mother suffers greatly and as a result she was never truly free to be a full mother to me, and as she gets older the harder it has become for her.
Sometimes it can scare me when I see the inheritance in my own nature. I do not believe our illnesses are the same, but it is a reminder that you can not escape blood. One cannot outrun the pasts effects and so one must accept these parts and pieces of themselves with gentle kindness.
Aggression for the hate of something one has no control over is a completely worthless path to take, for it never alleviates the resentment it only helps it to grow, to give power to the very thing that brought you here to begin with until it is all that you are left with.
A hard lesson to learn that one can only come around to by partially walking it. I have been there, I have seen my spoiled remains laid waste to on the side of the road, fallen by my very hands.
Lashing out because all I wanted was to be “normal”, was to have some part of myself, my body, my nature be predictable, be reliable, be acceptable to me, to anyone really.
Even now, though I have forgiven myself, I still must deal with the stigma of being a “emotionally difficult” person. When the truth of the matter was that any “lashing out” that I did I only ever did because I was trying to understand it myself.
The struggle comes in when people don’t give you the credit for having to live with the “crazy”. That it exists 24/7 for you and all you want to do is figure it out.
I have always been a very logical and analytical person, I wont look away from the difficult or perceived “negative”I want to learn and truly move past something difficult and one can only do that, especially when it comes to mental and personal health, through experiencing, through feeling. Through knowing what it is that causes these afflictions and learning to walk hand and hand with it on your path of life.
In some ways I believe we all get a taste of this through puberty, when all is ever-changing and out of your control. Emotions are frantic and all we want it to figure our own bodies and selves out. It is often classified as “self-absorbed” when really I believe it should be eased and celebrated without the humiliation by encouraging the self discovery of its challenge.
No matter our perceived struggles we are not so different then any one person around us. Nobody chooses to be the way that they are, good or bad we are given what we have and and expected to do our best with it. Nothing is for nothing, everything has its reason, so its time to release the stigma of “normal” and instead allow people to find and define what is peace to them.
Only tolerance, love, kindness and acceptance will get one anywhere in life, but it has to start with self before it can truly make a difference to anyone else life. Once we shine inward we begin to reflect outwardly what others can and will perceive as a beacon of guiding light to follow to their own inner home of love and acceptance.
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